like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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