Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm bleeding and have questions
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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