My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
