whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
