Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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