you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
porn star boner night. come get it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm at about main and main street
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
