Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
After tacos, we're chasing women.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
