He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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