i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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