I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
