hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
