But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Are we still banned from the library?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
