She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
