just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
