She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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