I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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