Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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