u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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