she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
