I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
