3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
