I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
