The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Two words: blizzard sex
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
