Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Boobs speak an international language.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
