Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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