these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
