Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
