Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I faked an abortion last night.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize