Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
