Cold hands, warm shart.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
