R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
