The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
