We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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