Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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