ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he shaved USA in his pubs
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
