guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
