How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
