I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
