it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i drank out of a bidet.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
