I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
What a dumb baby whore.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
