You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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