she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
