i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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