we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
