Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
