I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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