yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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