im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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