Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
