You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
